Reason 0005 : The Button Works The Very First Time

I was waiting for the lift the other day when I saw this young lady come up after me. Being the only person before she came along, I had pressed the button for the lift already. Hence, the button was lighted. This lady (looks like an office lady, by the way) went near the lift, saw the already lighted button, and pushed it a few more times!!! This seems to be a perculiar Singaporean habit and I was thinking, ''what a complete idiot''.

I have always wondered what these people were thinking when they do this. Is this supposed to make the lift go any faster? Being in a cranky mood that morning, I decided to tease her a little. I pushed the button about 10 more times, saying ''faster leh'' each time I did it, in a sarcastic tone of voice. It was all just to mock her and to see what her reaction was.

Her reaction was priceless. She knew that I was mocking her and she glared at me, but I just smiled evenly at her and then ignored her. I knew she couldn't and wouldn't do anything because she was just like the rest of the cowardly, spineless Singaporeans out there, choosing to keep quiet whenever something upleasant happens.

Reason 0004 : People Who Lean On Hand Poles in MRT Trains

Why are some people so obtuse? They are either simply oblivious to the inconvenience they are causing others or they are simply selfish, insensitive, anti-social creatures who do not care. I am referring to those people who have the habit of leaning against poles in MRT carriages meant for passengers to hold on to so as to maintain their balance while the train is in motion.

Some of these insensitive idiots can continue with their anti-social behaviour, even during rush hour when the train is packed. There was once when I gave one of these guys a hard poke in the back with my fingers while he was leaning on the pole. The guy turned around and glared at me. I stared back at him and knowing that he was in the wrong, he backed off.

One word of advice in these situations: if a boorish, uncouth looking person is leaning on the pole, STAY FAR AWAY! you might get beaten up if you tell him off or poke him. On the other hand, if you choose to keep quiet and hold on to the pole, chances are that your hand will be smeared with sweat from his sweat-soaked T-shirt or worse still, you might even catch a whiff of his toxic B.O. if you are in close proximity.

Reason 0003 : Able bodied People Who Use Lifts in MRT Stations

One of the most disturbing and disgraceful things I have ever witnessed is able bodied people using the lifts meant for the handicapped in MRT stations. I am sure you have seen this before: people queueing up to use the lifts, especially during rush hour. Hey people, "wake up your idea lah, dey!" The lifts are meant for the disabled or elderly people who have difficulty using the escalators or walking long distances. Why are you using it when you have legs to walk with? There was even once when I witnessed young, working adults getting into the lift first, leaving an old woman to wait for the next available one. For shame!!!

Don't give people the excuse that you had a long day and you are tired. Just treat the extra walk as a form of exercise. Thank your lucky stars you are not handicapped. If you want to take the lift so badly, wait till you lose the use of your legs in future and you can use it all you want.

Reason 0002 : Demanding Singaporean Girls

I think, as compared to ladies in other Asian countries, Singaporean girls are the most demanding of the lot. 10 years ago, it was the 5Cs that mattered. Now, in addition to the 5Cs, guys are supposed to be manly, yet sensitive, caring, knowledgeable, well-read, well-travelled, well-groomed, the list goes on...

Previously, if a guy had a set of wheels, it was enough to impress the ladies. Not anymore. So what if you have a car? Nowadays, the brand and model of the car is more important. Good luck to you if you are driving a Toyota Vios or Hyundai Accent. You will be lucky to get a second look from them.

That said, I do not think that there is anything wrong in being demanding. It is good as it shows we are striving for continuous improvement. However, to some of these dear ladies, I wish to say ''Wake Up Your Idea Lah Dey!" Before you start making demands on your suitors or potential partners, take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself : "what do I have to offer?" and "am I worth it?"

In my opinion, Singaporean girls should possess one or more of the qualities below before they start making demands on their partners:

1. Looks
Singaporean girls, by nature, do not have nice features or skin. The hot, humid Singapore climate creates large, enlarged pores in our skin and our Singaporean genes create normal, flat looking facial features. In contrast, just look at ladies from other Asian countries e.g. Japan, Korea, Thai, Vietnam, Philippines girls who already have nice eyes and facial features even before make up or plastic surgery. Singapore girls need tons of makeup to conceal their flaws and accentuate their features.

2. Figure
Singaporean girls generally have small boobs and flat butts. What's more, many have flabby arms and bulging tummies, thanks to our oily, unhealthy Singaporean diet.

3. Bedroom Skills
This is one of the qualities I think Singaporean girls have improved over the years. Exposing themselves at HDB staircase landings, having sex on hospital operating tables, taking naked self pics and then exposing them for the world to see, these contribute to an interesting sex life which can only be good spice for marriages and the Gahmen's call for increased procreation.

4. Personality
Singaporean girls want men who are well-travelled and knowledgeable. However, I believe that many of these girls look for guys like this just so that they can show off to their friends. Just look at the profiles of Singaporean girls at Friendster or do an informal poll among your circle of friends. Just see how many of them engage in more intellectual pursuits in their spare time. If you do not have an interesting personality or are generally spoilt and obnoxious, make an effort to change.

Reason 0001 : Singaporeans Who Slap Bus/MRT Seats

Picture this : you are sitting in a bus when the person sitting in front of you gets up from her seat, presses the bell, and moves to the exit. The bus stops, passengers board the bus, and one of these passengers moves to the recently vacated seat, bends down and WHACKS THE SEAT! 'Slap!' 'Slap!' 'Slap!'.

I am sure you have seen these Seat Slappers many times before and it never fails to amuse me every time I see it. Why? Because of the sheer irrationality of the act. Seriously, what purpose does slapping the seat serve? Does it help to cool down the seat faster? Even if you sit down in a warm seat, will you get piles? No right, so I say "Wake up your idea lah, dey!"

The funny thing is that the Seat Slapper can be anybody. Although the older folks are generally guilty of doing this, Seat Slappers do not come from any fixed profile. I have seen teenagers, working adults, and even young children doing it (monkey see, monkey do?).

The one ultimate incident I remember was when I was in the MRT approaching the City Hall station. The train stopped, doors opened, and this attractive working lady in her early 20s, boarded the train and SLAPPED THE HARD PLASTIC SEAT! I nearly laughed out loud at that point.

What is it with this habit that grips people of all ages and walks of life? Just think, 6 yrs of primary school education, 4 years of secondary, 2 years of JC, 4 years of college machiam gone down the drain as why is she SLAPPING A PLASTIC SEAT??? The years of education did not seem to have made her realise how ludicrous and futile this act is.

Maybe to set the record straight, the Gahmen should call the Mythbusters or Brianiac people from Discovery channel in to do a proper scientific test on this. Haha, that will be a hoot.

No wonder people say Singaporeans are straight, follow the law people who cannot think out of the box.

My Very First Post...

Years of living here as a Singapore citizen have led me to the conclusion that Singapore is not a place worth staying or to retire in.

Yes, the streets might be clean and safe and everything operates efficiently like clockwork but I think the cons outweight the pros. Prices are going up all the time, the island is getting more and more crowded, it is getting harder and harder to make a living, the pace of life is too hectic etc.

I believe that life can be better elsewhere. It is up to us to put aside our fear of the unknown, ignore being labelled as quitters, and take the plunge. Can we bear to leave our friends and family here? How will you make a living? Can we adapt to a new environment? Learn a new language? Tough questions but worth thinking about in search of a better quality of life...